NEW YORK — On a recent episode of The Late Show, host Stephen Colbert began on a somber note, addressing the shocking assassination of conservative activist Charlie Kirk. But as only Colbert can, the show quickly shifted from heartfelt tribute to a whirlwind of UFOs, political jabs, and interstellar absurdity — all delivered with his signature wit.
Colbert Honors Charlie Kirk: “Violence Is Never the Answer”
Colbert began the monologue by acknowledging the country’s shock over the death of Charlie Kirk, a prominent — and often controversial — conservative figure.
“However you feel about his politics, he was a young father of two small children and an American who has the constitutional right to express his opinion in safety.”
He urged unity in the face of violence, quoting Speaker Mike Johnson’s plea to “bring the temperature down” in political discourse:
“We need everyone who has a platform to say this loudly and clearly: political violence must be called out — and it has to stop.”
Colbert added his signature comedic twist:
“In the end, as Americans, we are all brothers and sisters. Or at least, Mike Johnson and I look like we are.”
From Mourning to Martians: Colbert Shifts Gears to UFO Mayhem
The tone quickly turned extraterrestrial as Colbert reported on a newly declassified video showing a U.S. drone firing a missile at a UFO — which appeared to self-repair mid-flight.
“That’s incredible. The aliens have developed Terminator 2 technology. Or worse… Flex Seal!”
The Source? A Congressman With No Fact-Checking Capacity
The video was released by Republican Rep. Eric Burlison, who admitted he received it anonymously and couldn’t verify it, saying:
“I’m just gonna let the internet figure it out.”
Colbert, of course, couldn’t resist:
“Yeah, great idea. The same internet that figured out which vegetable melts belly fat.”
NASA Finds Signs of Life on Mars (His Name Is Kevin?)
Colbert then shifted to the cosmos, celebrating NASA’s discovery of what could be the clearest evidence of microbial life ever found on Mars.
“Turns out the Martian surface might’ve once been an everything bagel!”
NASA’s Perseverance rover discovered spotted rocks that resemble microbial growth. Colbert’s take?
“What if one of these space microbes infects our alien queen? She’ll need a full-body scrub. Thoroughly. Slowly…”
Epstein, Bathrobes, and a Fired UK Ambassador
Colbert next turned his sights to the UK, where the British ambassador to the U.S. was fired over links to Jeffrey Epstein. The scandal included a photo of the ambassador in a wet bathrobe with Epstein on a yacht.
“They look so happy together. But it must sting for Epstein’s other best pal — how come he wasn’t invited to Wet Robe Boy Time?”
RFK Jr. Misinformation, Trump’s Vaccine Defense, and… Pert Plus
Colbert skewered RFK Jr., now serving as Health Secretary in this satirical reality, for falsely claiming that children receive 92 vaccine doses — when the number is closer to 30.
“It’s like when your girlfriend asks, ‘That was fast — did you shampoo and condition?’ And you say, ‘Let me introduce you to a little miracle called Pert Plus.’”
He then played a surprisingly sane clip of Donald Trump defending vaccines, quipping:
“Wow. Even a broken clock — especially one with Epstein connections — is right twice a day.”
Trump Loses Central Park Skating Rink to a Suspiciously Named Company
In local news, the Trump Organization lost its bid to manage Central Park’s skating rink, losing to a company called… Related Companies.
“That’s the sketchiest name I’ve ever heard. Who do you work for? ‘Related Companies.’ Are they legal? ‘They’re… related.’”
Meanwhile, in Germany: 93% of Pilots Admit to Napping Mid-Flight
According to a survey, 93% of German airline pilots admitted to falling asleep while flying.
“Apparently, they nap so often, there’s a German word for it: Dleepy-pilot-honken.”
Conclusion: Colbert Still Reigns as King of Late Night Absurdity
With a masterful blend of emotional gravitas and absurd humor, Colbert once again proves why The Late Show remains a cultural mainstay. From honoring a political rival to imagining alien queens in stiletto boots, no topic is off-limits — and somehow, it all works.
Tonight’s guest? Usher. And after that? Who knows — maybe more Flex Seal jokes. Or bathrobe scandals. Or… space microbes on everything bagels.
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